Four Shaved (Male) Legs

The first time Jay Middleton saw me in shorts he stared in disbelief at my hairy legs. Long silence.

“Um, you ever going to shave those?

Then the debate began, which included a threat to “shave every hippie cyclist’s legs, one by one, if necessary.” We negotiated and bargained. Finally I agreed to shave my legs if I ever have a top 5 finish in an event. Which is in my favor because the only way I ever finish that high is when there are five or fewer racers, which doesn’t really count. Several years have passed since that exchange and my hippie legs are as hairy as ever and graying to boot.

Jay Middleton waging battle at the Short Cross Series at Camp Harlow, OR in September. I’d shave my legs, too, if they looked as nice as Jay’s. Image courtesy Paul Timm.

Then there is the case of training buddy Mike Stafford. Our cycling relationship consists of a shared visceral dread of riding together because of the knack we have for torturing one another. Maybe you have a “friend” like this.

One early morning as we headed out of Eugene for a long day in the saddle, I detected a 5 o’clock shadow on one leg but not the other.

“Mike, what’s wrong with your legs? One looks darker than another.”

“Yeah, I shaved one as an experiment.”

Whatever experiment Mike was conducting was a success in favor of shaving and he’s now a devotee of the razor.

I don’t have anything against shaved legs, I just don’t want to shave mine. And I don’t buy the most commonly cited reason for shaving, which is that road rash will heal easier without hair involved. Speaking from experience, when I have a case of road rash I just shave around the wound afterwards and things heal up just fine.

The best (only?) functional reason for shaving I’ve seen is that clean legs make it easier to apply embrocation.

Jay has a couple other reasons for considering a shave, but they don’t have anything to do with cycling:

1. If your girlfriend / wife shaves her legs, so should you. It’s only fair.

2. Freshly-shaven legs feel great in freshly-laundered sheets.

Mike thinks having shaved legs is a great motivator:

You think to yourself, “If I’ve got shaved, weak legs I’m a TOTAL PANSY.” Shaved legs are like the “Boy Named Sue” aspect of cycling: they’re SO wimpy & stupid that only the strong can get away with them. So if you’ve got shaved legs, you go do the workouts you’d thought about skipping to offset complete lycra-clad/shaved leg pansy-ness with ludicrously strong legs & lungs.

Mike Stafford and Jay Middleton making a fashion statement at ~150 miles into the 2007 Oregon Ultimate Road Ride.

I suppose the top riders out there have valid functional reasons for the shave. For the rest of us, let’s just admit it’s a fashion statement: On the right body, the sleek combination of lycra and smooth sweaty legs look fast, and depending on your circle of cycling buddies, smooth legs are hip.

Unfortunately, the logic of fashion doesn’t apply in my case. My legs look like a pair of cycling shorts with calves sticking out, and not even shaving will make them look cool.

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