This is the time of year when Seattle’s racing teams add new members and veteran racers transfer from one team to another. Most years the shuffle is not particularly newsworthy, but we are sad to learn that one of this year’s transfers has shed light on a pie-eating omerta within Seattle’s peloton. Not epo, not testosterone, not hgh, not xipamide…pie. You heard it here first.
Seattle veteran racer Michael Pruitt has been with Keller Rohrback Cycling Team (KR) for 14 years, and is widely recognized as a skilled purveyor of smack talk and unsolicited racing tips. Given his long loyal history with KR, aka the “Killer Robots,” it was a surprise when Pruitt announced a transfer to Cucina Fresca Cycling (CF) aka the “Killer Tomatoes.”
Frank Colich, CF’s Director of Finance, confided that “We want people on our team who race their bikes a lot…We don’t care about age, gender, color, weight, political or religious beliefs…To be on our team you need to just go really hard, be safe and above all else do not be a jackass.” With these criteria in place, the stage was clearly set for Pruitt to change teams.
Not to mention the fact that team sponsor Cucina Fresca is a producer of gourmet food products, which was certainly a draw for Pruitt.
Colich went on to describe how the transfer came about: “A while ago Michael Pruitt and Erik Olson started to talk about the idea of having the KR Masters squad join Cucina Fresca. The conversation gained momentum and then a few of us met up for beers in early August to see if this could work out. A few days later it was a done deal. The KR racers coming over are more than everything we look for in teammates. They also bring a bonus. What we really like about the KR guys is the mentorship that they bring to the team. For example, CF has a lot of really strong category 4/5 racers that can benefit from better race tactics and as we know Pruitt is not afraid of dishing out guidance. The addition of the KR squad not only builds upon an existing strength (a strong Masters men’s team), but makes our entire team better.”
Colich’s use of “dishing out” is actually a double entendre indicating that the pie payments to Pruitt have commenced.
Meanwhile, I was able to get Pruitt’s perspective on the move through an intermediary, a Vespa-riding “pizza delivery guy” by the name of “Pepe.” Pepe claims to have regular clandestine meetings with Pruitt and other Seattle-area racers, and that the ground beef in the pizza is sourced from the same ranch Alberto Contador gets his steaks. Readers are left to draw their own conclusions about the validity of the weekly Pacific Raceway results.
In the interview below, Pruitt makes several pop culture references that are actually a (desperate) attempt at modeling the secret code local racers use to communicate with Pepe about when and where to deliver the pies.
What is happening at Keller Rohrback? Will it survive this year?
I see how it is. No easy warm up questions, straight to the juicy stuff, eh? Well if I was Rebecca Martinson I’d probably go into a poorly written rant about how KR doesn’t take their role in the local cycling ecosystem seriously enough. If I was a little more influential I might even get Michael Shannon to read that rant (caution, profanity) for you so you could post it on your blog. Sadly, I am neither. So you’ll have to settle on the the boring truth. The team that is currently KR has always been focused on being small group of elite riders that get along and like to ride together. When I switched to Masters racing the team humored my desire to build a similar Masters squad but the team identity was still the same. The realities of Masters team building are different from elite team building, or at least the model KR has. The Masters model is based on a core group of 4-5 guys who commit to some specific, but limited, races so that the team is “just organized enough” that the riders who are not in the core know which races we’ll have a strong team at. It was a super successful model in 2011 but we learned that guys move in and out of the “core” for various reasons — work changes, injuries, X-Box addiction — and we under performed in 2012 and 2013 because our core fluctuated between 2-3 guys all year. Bringing on a couple more “core” guys meant tipping the balance on KR to a team where the Masters were driving team dynamics. That’s not really fair to the elite riders; they were great enough to let us build a squad. Kind of dick to then take the team over from them. Will KR survive? I hope so because the team has been a big part of my life for the last 14 years (in it’s various forms). I do see KR becoming more of a track team for the guys since that’s been what excites them the most this year. The team should survive as long as the elite guys have something that excites them.
What prompted your transition from Keller Rohrback to CF?
Ian Mensher is history’s biggest monster and the idea of doing anything that brings him joy or success was unbearable. Alternatively, it could be because both sides are convinced that the KR Masters bring the leadership and experience Cucina needs to build on what they’ve accomplished this year and Cucina Fresca has a strong base of riders that are team players, ready to give it up for the team and a low selfish factor. And Erik Olson bribed us with beer. We’re really pretty simple like that. Keep in mind, when the clock strikes midnight on 9/1 there won’t be anymore us and them talk. It’ll be one big happy Cucina Fresca family if I have to personally berate each and every rider on the team. Opulence. Cucina has it.
Tell us how the transition to CF came about. Would it be fair to characterize the move as a “defection?”
The KR Masters team is a pretty tight unit so it does feel like a defection. But if you think of KR as three teams: Mens, Masters and Womens that get along but function somewhat independently we just spun off. We really started thinking about it when Randy & I were at the Grand Fondo Ephrata and we realized how much more fun it is to ride with other fat, slow dudes than watch our skinny elite guys ride away from us yelling “combo breaker, Colin wins.” I hear we’re not the only ones who have to put up with that.
Is it true that CF promised an extra portion of pie at every meal in order to entice you to join them?
No comment. I don’t want anyone to know about the pie payments.
What is your relationship with ice cream?
You have ice cream? It’s better than my relationship with cupcakes.
It has been noted that the solid color blocks on the Cucina Fresca kit may be more flattering for the “full figured” rider than the green stripes on the KR Kit. How did the team kit figure in your decision to move to CF?
Actually, this is a massive bone of contention. Forget the green. The massive use of Flash Yellow in the KR kits distracts the eye from our…er…let’s call it “bonus sponsorship real estate.” There better be F&%$(*& Flash Yellow in the 2014 Cucina Fresca kit or Olson will see just how crazy the new Killer Tomatoes can get.
